Testimony

The immeasurable yearning of my heart’s calling to the Divine was kept shrouded behind the veil of my daily existence and ‘doings’ for much of this lifetime, as I navigated this profound journey alone and concealed from most. Only those who knew me intimately or those who were able to glimpse deeper into my Being, were privy to the struggles of this truth as I grappled with the intensity of my devotional pull, while attempting to continue with life and business ‘as normal’.

Several foundational moments in this lifetime had gifted, what I can only describe as, an ‘immersion into Source’,, and as I progressed, nothing in my outer world could satisfy the longing to exist along every step, in this sea of peace and connectedness. As a thirteen year old, suffering with a collapsed lung and pneumonia, a crisis and lack of breath evolved into a defining, mystical experience which serves as my compass even now. No drugs, no plant medicine journeys, no outer support, have taken me to these states, my path has been steadily charted, with the need to seek inward, deep within the echoes of my dreams, with somewhat of a self-imposed austerity, yet unswerving passion to achieve what I have come to define as Ultimate Healing.

Though I had created my world of seeking and supporting healing and wellness for more than a decade, through food, and hospitality, my outer endeavors still felt superficial in comparison to the depth of my feelings, and I could not ignore the growing sense that I was in denial of my truth.

Through the more recent years of deep introspection, prayer, contemplation, and heart’s longing, the attachments of my outer world in turn began to loosen and fade. Those beguiling sense pleasures and the insatiable sensuality of life no longer satisfied or appeased, and I observed as one by one they gradually slipped away. I confided to those close to me that I felt called in my later years to become a nun, or to live a monastic life, and yet no religion I had explored, no teacher or guru I had encountered, could provide solace or a place for what I was seeking (though I am profoundly drawn to the teachings and life of Jesus as guide and shepherd).

I immersed myself further into prayer and meditation, reading and contemplation, and began to learn to connect my two world's…the outer ‘doings’, and the inner ‘being’. In the ‘how’ as opposed to the ‘what’, I felt more tranquility, and by knocking down the outer goalposts of success based living gave way to more space for inner sanctity.

As I stepped forth with greater confidence into the Divine Unknown, the awakening of my truth strengthened until I reached a place where there could be no denial or compromise, I can only walk forth in this existence now in this truth, in open devotion, to lead a life in Reverence…to follow the calling into the Embrace of the Divine. In affirming this sole purpose, I choose to commit to hold mySelf accountable on this journey, to live in integrity and without a mask.

I am not striving to live perfectly, beyond what I am capable of at the time. I am only seeking to walk my path ever closer and more connected to the Divine, to God. I know that by the natural evolution and progression, as my own sense of peace intensifies, the less my attachments bind me, and thus the path to Redemption becomes clearer.

‘Every thought is a prayer,
Every word a blessing,
Every action, a ritual of reverence.’

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Nothing can come close to the bliss of connection with Source, with God. Nothing can appease the yearning of the Soul’s pure desire for reconnection, for Redemption.